I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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