We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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