Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
