so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sorry about my life...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
