if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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