I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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