Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he thought i was a dude.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
