How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
