When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
