I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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