his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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