I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
