I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
