And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
