when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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