When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize