don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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