Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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