Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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