I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
