Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think a kid would responsible me up
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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