Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
