Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
