I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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