I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
