just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
