I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
