Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
