Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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