I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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