I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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