oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
