I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
