matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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