Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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