I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
