I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
