i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
