There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
