meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
