I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
