i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
its liver damage thursday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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