i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
