the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
