Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
