I wish I could teleport
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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