trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
