remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
