you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
