I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
