When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
