sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Bring me that man meat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
