We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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