..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i think my cat just said my name.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
