there's paper in my vomit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
