My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
