im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
