i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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