I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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