It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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