Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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