I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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