The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
