Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
