dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
