positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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