i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
