after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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