Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
