Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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