And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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