i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
